Hmmm...like no one gets on xanga no more. but i still love it like crappp!!!! Its so awesome. This is where i first started to write about my feelings. hehe. I wrote a lot, but a lot wasnt true. hehe. lots i just made up on my own.^0^ Uhhmm..spring Break is almost here!! arent ya'll excited!!? I am for sure...=] School has been sooo dragful for me. and really stressful. I know im only a freshman, but i stress a lot over my stuff....im not smart so i have to try extra hard to try to be where i am. im not the best, but im satisfied with where i am. i actually cried this year because i felt so stressed out...TWICE!!Ugh, it piss me off so bad why i have to try so hard. But life is fair,just gotta deal with it. ;] Only like 2 months till school is seriously over.....Im so happy. but im kind of scared to face the summer....wondering how much the summer will change me and the people around me. I realized im really scared of change and i really hate it. I hate when our schedules get messed up at school. I hate it when i have to start a new year of school. when it was my freshman year, i was like, "Omfg! " yea.....lots of stress.. i dont want to sit alone or sumthing. But i guess everything really works out. I really thank god for this year. Its been a really special year. Its also been with a lot of stress, but i've met a special person so i thank god for letting us meet. Im happy that he gave me a life and regret that i wished i was dead? Hehe. I guess life is just something we all need to learn to deal with...even when things get hard. Im happy for the future i live, but i'd definetly not be happy if i died this moment. I have something to live for... Even a few months ago, i wanted other people to give me a reason to live for. They never gave me an answer that would stay. I realized this is my life and i shouldnt let others stop me. So i want to live to be happy. I mean of course i will die one day and i cant predict it.....but when it comes, i want to say, " wow. i really made my life useful" i want to be happy for myself. ;] I still have many things i should have done differently...,but...eh...i dont know. I stress out so freakin much, i still dont get much good grades. haha. I liked it better when i didnt try at all...and i still got a and b....but not im selfish. hehe i want ALL a's...Hehe...o well....^-^ i want a child of my own soooooo bad. i want to treat it right. I want to be responsible and i want to give my child ALL the love it deserves. (hehe i call it it) But of course im not rushing anything. xD im too much of a good girl. Hmm....its amazing how parents do it. Raising a child is so hard. One mistake...and they could be screwed. Did you all know that a kid's personality develops from 0-4 years old? Do you know how much you could affect a kid? Hehe. Im not obsessively in love with other kids thougth. i just want one of my own. I want to always be there for the child. And try my best to give it eveyrhting it needs. I have a lot of fantasies and i like putting myself in other kind of perspective, so one day, i was wondering.....why do people abuse their child? I came up with myself with this. They are so busy,hurt and afraid. They want to treat the child right...but so much is happening in their lives...they need something to put their anger on. Since they felt hate, why cant the child? Since their through so much pain and usually been abused by their parents, why cant the child feel the hate that they had?The parent feels that life is useless and all life gives is pain.O_o My share of thought, you know. A werid point of view. ^_^ Hmm..............i dont know who i am. i suck at life. u do too. i hear kinzah say that a lot. I like to say dumb shit. hehe. its fun. things really dont change. a repeat in life. I wont get hurt. only one person. jokes are stupid. why do i laugh? i shouldnt. It hurts. mean jokes. better person. is there a person really called that? trustworthy people are liars. Everyone lies. just lies. one person matter. I wish i can run. far away. i want to be free. i want myself. i love mysefl. things hurt. Self inflicting is kind of fun. but stupid to do. Loving is an awesome feeling.It makes u feel like you can be free...but it also hurts. =] things are great. There are beauty, but it isnt perfect. because nothing is. Our brain isnt meant to be perfect, so just accept it. Life is hard, but you should always smile. Perfection means nothing. Dont be depressed, you'll regret you wasted your time. Laughing makes everything go away. Innocence can be lost. Maturity is a damned whore...so just be a damned whore.T_T lol <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 i love you <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 with my life. ;] | 
